OK, that was nice
So, I've noticed that the time-together thing has been a lot harder the last few weeks. We're just really busy. Where, last month I was counting around 20 to 25 hours in any given 7 day period, now we're barely getting 15. Which is still good. But not quite as nice and intimate as last month.
For instance, yesterday. I get home and the wife is still taking a nap. So I do some yardwork, clean the kitchen, and then start dinner. She gets up and helps me finish and then we eat. Then we have to hit Wal-Mart for an hour because we are typical American consumer sheep. We get home, get the kids showered and bathed, read them good-night stories and get them to bed. We don't get to see each other until after that, and so we only get a couple hours in.
Of course we WERE having sex for most of those two hours, so I'll go ahead and say that it's all OK. It was still a bit weird, though.
Work has been extraordinarily nasty for her the last few days and so she had a headache and a tummy ache most of the day. It had told her earlier, while making dinner, that I hoped we could get the kids to be early because I was planning on doing all sorts of unspeakable things to her, but when she later said she wasn't feeling well I told her I'd take a raincheck if I needed to. But when, after the kids where in bed, she asked for a backrub I decided to be a little more forward then I have been lately. I figured that if I crossed a line into something she didn't want, she'd stop me.
So, tihngs progressed as usual. Except that she still wasn't in much of a kissing mood, and didn't want me to kiss on her breasts much. I thought that meant -- as it usually does -- that I was going to fast and needed to spent a lot more time just rubbing and caressing and kissing her neck. No. It meant that she didn't want to waste time on that and just wanted me to get between her thighs and lick.
So I did. After a few really good orgasms I went up to see if she'd reciprocate. She said yes, just not yet, and then told me to lay on my back. Then she climbed up and sat on my face -- a position she really, really likes. I actually got her to giggle territory that way. That's where she orgasms so hard she starts giggling and has to just lay down for a few minutes. That's the place where she says, if I was to keep touching her, she'd explode because it is just so good.
So, she lays there for a bit and then says she'll go down on me. Finally! Not only that, but she did something I've always wanted her to do, but she's never, ever allowed -- she actually got on the floor on her knees while I sat on the edge of the bed. Nice.
OK, it wasn't the greatest blowjob I've ever had -- even from her. There were times where it turned into more a handjob just with the head in her mouth. She also had issues with taste (but I probably should have showered first, so that's my fault). She didn't want to make eye-contact, and wouldn't let me cum in her mouth (which is asking a lot with her). But it was still very, very nice. It felt really good. I actually came pretty quickly.
I had told her that, if she'd do me I'd get back down and do her some more. But when I was done and told her to lay down so I could get her off again she said she figured we were done for the night. I was going to not take "no" for an answer, but then she pointed out the clock. It was already 10:30, neither of us had a shower yet, we both had to get up at 6:00, and neither of us has had much sleep lately anyway. So, I agreed it was late and so we showered together (a very chaste shower together) and then went to bed.
She's still doing this thing where she acts like she doesn't want to really mentally let go and surrender to it all completely. I KNOW that's what most of the boob-avoidance is. She wants sex and orgasms, but she wants to keep it all under control. She doesn't want to fully relax and open up. It's probably because pressure from me has injured our trust level and that is why. I certainly need to back off a lot.
She certainly wants sex now and is enjoying it, and is actually craving it and planning for it. That's a massive change from anything we've ever experienced together. Because of that, she is slowly but surely opening herself up to new and different things. I know she doesn't feel yet about giving me pleasure the way I do about giving her pleasure, but that will take time. She needs to be able to trust me, and see that this is about love and not lust. She needs to develop that feeling of total security. Of us being on the same side, not enemies fighting over this.
------------------------------
Note for Desmond and others: I'm still here, and there are certain sites I'm still surfing. I'll probably turn comments back on at some point. I didn't leave totally, I just needed a break from stuff to get myself back to where I was when I started this thing. Where I can actually share everything. Where I'm writing mainly for me and not an audience. When I realised I was not putting stuff down because I was scared about how it would be recieved I knew I had lost the entire point of this thing.
And I probably over-reacted about it all and I'll probably come to my senses in a few days. This is just a really, really personal thing for me, and I've opened up a whole lot and tried to put as few barriers up as I could. Which leads to vulnerability.
It's kind of interesting what things it is that got to me. Tell me my faith in God is stupid and ignorant and I'll just laugh you off. Tell me I've been a big, fat jerk to my wife for years and years and ask me why I would ever expect her to trust me and love me and I'll probably agree with you.
Tell me I'm insencere about it, don't mean what I say I'm commiting to because I'm just talking the talk and not walking the walk, and am basically lying about stuff when I write and... well, that gets to me. That makes me hesitant to share. A lot of what set me off was, I'm sure, unintentional and probably came from a misunderstanding of what the heck I really mean by some of this stuff, and that's all bred from the fact that I'm not a horribly coherent person, but I had left myself vulnerable and let it bite me. It'll take a little while before I trust it all again.
But probably not too long. I kind of feel stupid right now about reacting the way I did, and I probably ought to go ahead and turn the comments back on, but I think I'll wait until after the weekend. It'd feel less, I don't know, flakey that way.
For instance, yesterday. I get home and the wife is still taking a nap. So I do some yardwork, clean the kitchen, and then start dinner. She gets up and helps me finish and then we eat. Then we have to hit Wal-Mart for an hour because we are typical American consumer sheep. We get home, get the kids showered and bathed, read them good-night stories and get them to bed. We don't get to see each other until after that, and so we only get a couple hours in.
Of course we WERE having sex for most of those two hours, so I'll go ahead and say that it's all OK. It was still a bit weird, though.
Work has been extraordinarily nasty for her the last few days and so she had a headache and a tummy ache most of the day. It had told her earlier, while making dinner, that I hoped we could get the kids to be early because I was planning on doing all sorts of unspeakable things to her, but when she later said she wasn't feeling well I told her I'd take a raincheck if I needed to. But when, after the kids where in bed, she asked for a backrub I decided to be a little more forward then I have been lately. I figured that if I crossed a line into something she didn't want, she'd stop me.
So, tihngs progressed as usual. Except that she still wasn't in much of a kissing mood, and didn't want me to kiss on her breasts much. I thought that meant -- as it usually does -- that I was going to fast and needed to spent a lot more time just rubbing and caressing and kissing her neck. No. It meant that she didn't want to waste time on that and just wanted me to get between her thighs and lick.
So I did. After a few really good orgasms I went up to see if she'd reciprocate. She said yes, just not yet, and then told me to lay on my back. Then she climbed up and sat on my face -- a position she really, really likes. I actually got her to giggle territory that way. That's where she orgasms so hard she starts giggling and has to just lay down for a few minutes. That's the place where she says, if I was to keep touching her, she'd explode because it is just so good.
So, she lays there for a bit and then says she'll go down on me. Finally! Not only that, but she did something I've always wanted her to do, but she's never, ever allowed -- she actually got on the floor on her knees while I sat on the edge of the bed. Nice.
OK, it wasn't the greatest blowjob I've ever had -- even from her. There were times where it turned into more a handjob just with the head in her mouth. She also had issues with taste (but I probably should have showered first, so that's my fault). She didn't want to make eye-contact, and wouldn't let me cum in her mouth (which is asking a lot with her). But it was still very, very nice. It felt really good. I actually came pretty quickly.
I had told her that, if she'd do me I'd get back down and do her some more. But when I was done and told her to lay down so I could get her off again she said she figured we were done for the night. I was going to not take "no" for an answer, but then she pointed out the clock. It was already 10:30, neither of us had a shower yet, we both had to get up at 6:00, and neither of us has had much sleep lately anyway. So, I agreed it was late and so we showered together (a very chaste shower together) and then went to bed.
She's still doing this thing where she acts like she doesn't want to really mentally let go and surrender to it all completely. I KNOW that's what most of the boob-avoidance is. She wants sex and orgasms, but she wants to keep it all under control. She doesn't want to fully relax and open up. It's probably because pressure from me has injured our trust level and that is why. I certainly need to back off a lot.
She certainly wants sex now and is enjoying it, and is actually craving it and planning for it. That's a massive change from anything we've ever experienced together. Because of that, she is slowly but surely opening herself up to new and different things. I know she doesn't feel yet about giving me pleasure the way I do about giving her pleasure, but that will take time. She needs to be able to trust me, and see that this is about love and not lust. She needs to develop that feeling of total security. Of us being on the same side, not enemies fighting over this.
------------------------------
Note for Desmond and others: I'm still here, and there are certain sites I'm still surfing. I'll probably turn comments back on at some point. I didn't leave totally, I just needed a break from stuff to get myself back to where I was when I started this thing. Where I can actually share everything. Where I'm writing mainly for me and not an audience. When I realised I was not putting stuff down because I was scared about how it would be recieved I knew I had lost the entire point of this thing.
And I probably over-reacted about it all and I'll probably come to my senses in a few days. This is just a really, really personal thing for me, and I've opened up a whole lot and tried to put as few barriers up as I could. Which leads to vulnerability.
It's kind of interesting what things it is that got to me. Tell me my faith in God is stupid and ignorant and I'll just laugh you off. Tell me I've been a big, fat jerk to my wife for years and years and ask me why I would ever expect her to trust me and love me and I'll probably agree with you.
Tell me I'm insencere about it, don't mean what I say I'm commiting to because I'm just talking the talk and not walking the walk, and am basically lying about stuff when I write and... well, that gets to me. That makes me hesitant to share. A lot of what set me off was, I'm sure, unintentional and probably came from a misunderstanding of what the heck I really mean by some of this stuff, and that's all bred from the fact that I'm not a horribly coherent person, but I had left myself vulnerable and let it bite me. It'll take a little while before I trust it all again.
But probably not too long. I kind of feel stupid right now about reacting the way I did, and I probably ought to go ahead and turn the comments back on, but I think I'll wait until after the weekend. It'd feel less, I don't know, flakey that way.
posted by Christian Husband at 7:26 AM
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