The Big Lie
I was SO ready to post something else today, but inspiration struck while reading another person's blog. I'm not going to link over or mention names or anything because I'm trying to do this new thing where I don't pick fights and piss people off. Anyway, it's really not about the post I read, but about something that's been bouncing around my head for months now.
The Big Lie. A lot of things in history have been mentioned under this name by lots of people. Especially when people want to find some way of lumping all the stuff they disagree with together under one vindictive. One easily demolished strawman. Makes debate easy, although fallacious. Generally.
But that doesn't mean that there aren't a lot of big lies that people fall for and that take us captive. What you feel, think, and do is dependent 100% of what you believe to be really real, and if someone can make you believe a lie they can change who you are and what you do. Lies are powerful.
And to be powerful in a world-changing, inprisoning sort of way the lie doesn't even have to be very clever. They can be completely obviously untrue. Because what makes a lie powerful isn't how cunningly deceptive it is, but how much people want to believe it. If you can give people a lie they want to believe -- want very, very badly to believe -- then it doesn't have to be very clever at all. Because what you are doing is not deceiving them, you are giving them an excuse to deceive themselves. And that's the most powerful type of lie of all -- the one that comes from inside. The greatest deception in the world is self-deception.
These lies are powerful because we have no impetus to end our own deception. We willingly go along with it. Why do we WANT to be deceived? When the truth is unpleasant, but even more, when the lie allows us to do something or be someone we want but that the truth would disallow.
There are many lies in the world that are like this, but none bigger -- none more pernicious -- than the big one: It's all about you, babe. If you can be made believe -- no, scratch that, if you can find any justification at all that will ALLOW you to believe this as it is what we all want to believe -- it will change everything about you in every aspect of your life. It touches on everything. Once man believe he really IS the center of the universe, that it is all about him, then everything is distorted. Everything is filtered. The real world, the real universe, what really happens in really real reality falls away.
This is the ultimate lie because it is the ultimate thing people always want to believe: that they are, themselves, God. Or at least little "g" god of their own life.
How does this manifest itself? Lot's of ways: history and the past can be forgotten because it's not about you. So, it's not important. What happens elsewhere can be forgotten because it's not about you. So, it's not important. The real story of history, of mankind in general and his nature is irrelevant and ignored. It colors your approch to everything: God, religion, history, science, ethics, etc. But I want to talk about one aspect right now, and that is this last one.
This pernicious lie is very well expressed in Maslow's hierarchy of needs -- a good fleshing out of this lie with all sorts of scientific-sounding wrappings to make it seem less infantile than it really is. What did Maslow say is man's highest need? The thing we all work for? The thing we need most?
Self-actualization. Doing exactly what you want to do. Because it's all about you, babe.
Saying that self-actualization is what man needs most carries with it a ton of assumptions. The biggest one being the nature of what you are goin to actualize -- the nature of what you want. Maslow himself summed it up by saying (and this will probably be a paraphrase), "I do not believe that evil is inherent in any of man's instincts and desires. They are, at worst, neutral."
So, do what you want because it is what you most need, and it certainly isn't going to hurt anyone because everything you want is good! And "needs," that's a strong word. People getting what they "need," that's about survival. And denying people what they "need" to survive is wrong, and getting what you need is right.
And so it turns ethical behavior into doing whatever you wanted to do anyway. There is, therefore, no such thing as "ethics" really -- if ethics is seen as the ruleset that controls you behavior, that would restrict what you would want to do. Because all your instincts and inner desires are good, and what you need most is to act on them. To find yourself. To be yourself. To break "free" and get what you need.
What a pernicious lie. And the bloodbath that ensues, the weeping and the wailing, reaches to the highest heaven.
If your approach to finding happiness is in trying to get what you want then you will fail. You will fail and you will be miserable and you will be depressed.
Interesting thing. There's a book entitled Life at the Bottom: the Worldview that Makes the Underclass by Theodore Dalrymple. Mr. Dalrymple is not a Christian. He is a surgeon. He has worked for decades in emergency rooms across the UK. And he noticed something. Currently, the number one reason for women in the UK to go to an emergency room is suicide attempt. Not car accident. Not heart disease. Suicide attempt. Among males it is the number two reason. People are checking out of life in huge numbers because they just can't take it anymore.
Why?
Because they've bought a lie, and that is the point of his book. That if you have nothing higher than yourself and your own desires to live for then you will end up miserable to the extent that many will just kill themselves and end it all. Because they are told that, to be happy, they have to do exactly what they want. And so they do it. And they are even more miserable than they were before. And they can't find a way out.
As Dalrymple puts it: if you want to be happy you do not want to "find yourself" you want to lose yourself, and if you have nothing higher than yourself to live for you will never be happy. Because it's not all about you, babe. Not what you need, not what the world needs. And ethics goes beyond what you want.
The key to happiness in any aspect of your life -- as I've found through the journey documented in this blog -- is not about you and getting what you want and getting your needs met, it is about giving to others. Meeting other people's needs. That's not just a good way to live. That's not just nice, it's not just a way to make a relationship work, and it is not just a way to get your own needs met back in return. It is, in and of itself, the key to happiness.
If you're unhappy in your relationship, how much of it is because of this inherent selfishness of "but what about me and my needs?" How much of it is because you've bought the pernicious lie? We want to think that we aren't happy because, see, my needs have never really been met. Not really. Not in full. If we just get a little more. Just a little bit more. Then we'll be happy. And the farther we run down that road the farther we get from real, actual happiness.
Edit: So, I wrote that before class, and during class I meditated on it a bit more and more stuff decided to regurgitate itself from my brain. So here's the rest.
Dalrymple told a story in the interview I saw with him about his book and this subject and he gave an example of the typical results of this me-me-me, self-actualization culture. He says he had a man tell him, when talking about his wife, "Doctor, If I didn't kill her I'm not sure what I'd have done." That killing his wife was LESS SERIOUS than the possible consequences that would have come to him if he HADN'T expressed himself through murder. That, it's all about ME!
Compare and contrast that with the reaction to the post FTN put up awhile back titled "Suppress you Sexuality in Six Easy Steps!" Here, FTN was very wisely realizing that the fact that his libido is higher than his wives was causing issues, so he was going to try and dial it back a bit -- change what he wanted in order to do good. The reaction from those held captive by this pernicious lie was overwhelming. Fanatical. You can't do that! You'll never be happy! If you want to be happy you have to find a way to GET what you want, not give it up! How dare you even suggest such a thing is possible, much less desirable!
Why such a reaction?
And why did that guy have to kill his wife?
We have a two-fold problem. The first problem is that of evil. Often the secular-humanists among us will throw the problem of the existence of evil at Christians and say, "If you have an omnipotent and good and loving God then why is there evil in the world?" as if saying such a thing not only destroys all our arguments and all our convictions, but destroys the entire Christian faith altogether. But we KNOW where evil comes from -- it comes from us. Because we, as people, ARE evil. As Spurgeon said, "You cannot slander human nature; it is worse than words can tell."
But the existence of evil DOES present a problem to those help captive by the Pernicious Lie. Becaue if all of man's desires and instincts are good, why does he do so much evil? Why is there greed and exploitation and resentment and revenge and violence and murder and war and genocide?
There is no answer. If there is no God, no creator, and so man is supreme, and all of man's instincts and desires are good or at worst neutral then the existence of evil presents a problem.
So, we get into the blame game. It's all someone or something else's fault. Anything but me. Do not look at the man behind the curtain. Please don't make me look at myself. We'll blame other people -- but how did those other people become evil and the root of evil if they are human like you and are therefore good? Or, we'll blame culture. As Maslow put it, "Sick people are a product of a sick culture." But what is culture? Just a group of people and their common beliefs and values. Culture comes from people, so how can there be a sick culture to cause sick people if there were no sick people to create the culture?
In the end, what you see -- what we saw in the discussion on FTN's post -- is people blaming the end results of self-actualization on those who would oppose limitless self-actualization. The results of doing whatever you want is, well, all the evil that has ever existed in the world. All the pain and heartbreak and oppression. But whose fault is it? Not those who actually did it -- who actually did what they wanted and ended up destroying people -- but those who would oppose it. It is a rather infantile expression of blaming the biggest evil you know on the biggest enemy you have.
The biggest evil they know? The reality that demonstrates the true results of self-actualization, that truly show the inherent evil in man. The biggest enemy they have? Those who say that self-actualization is destructive, that would say man IS inherently evil.
And despite all the internal contradictions and inconsistencies associated with this, this is one of the lies that has captured our culture. You'll find it everywhere. Who has caused all wars and problems in the world? Institutions and groups that would teach against self-actualization, and in particular, the Christian church.
This is the very definition of insanity. To be this far out of touch with the real world makes one insane.
But if man is good and his instincts are good than nothing he can do is "sin," and if his greatest need is doing what he wants than standing in the way IS sin. So, the only sin is calling things people want to do "sin." And that "sin" -- the "oppression" that comes when someone says that what you want to do isn't right or moral -- is the cause of all the evil in the world.
The Big Lie.
So, if you want more sex and your wife won't give it to you the one and only solution is to find a new wife! Get what you want or you'll never be happy -- you'll never fulfill your deepest needs. And to even suggest that the better and more enlightened and more moral way of solving it -- the way that would cause the least pain and most joy -- is to suppress what you want? To change your desires? To lose yourself for the sake of another? Heresy. The greatest heresy imaginable, to them. Because it exposes the pernicious lie. The lie that is so obvious that nobody can really believe it unless they consciously accept what they know to be false.
"This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed. But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God." - John 3:19-21
The Big Lie. A lot of things in history have been mentioned under this name by lots of people. Especially when people want to find some way of lumping all the stuff they disagree with together under one vindictive. One easily demolished strawman. Makes debate easy, although fallacious. Generally.
But that doesn't mean that there aren't a lot of big lies that people fall for and that take us captive. What you feel, think, and do is dependent 100% of what you believe to be really real, and if someone can make you believe a lie they can change who you are and what you do. Lies are powerful.
And to be powerful in a world-changing, inprisoning sort of way the lie doesn't even have to be very clever. They can be completely obviously untrue. Because what makes a lie powerful isn't how cunningly deceptive it is, but how much people want to believe it. If you can give people a lie they want to believe -- want very, very badly to believe -- then it doesn't have to be very clever at all. Because what you are doing is not deceiving them, you are giving them an excuse to deceive themselves. And that's the most powerful type of lie of all -- the one that comes from inside. The greatest deception in the world is self-deception.
These lies are powerful because we have no impetus to end our own deception. We willingly go along with it. Why do we WANT to be deceived? When the truth is unpleasant, but even more, when the lie allows us to do something or be someone we want but that the truth would disallow.
There are many lies in the world that are like this, but none bigger -- none more pernicious -- than the big one: It's all about you, babe. If you can be made believe -- no, scratch that, if you can find any justification at all that will ALLOW you to believe this as it is what we all want to believe -- it will change everything about you in every aspect of your life. It touches on everything. Once man believe he really IS the center of the universe, that it is all about him, then everything is distorted. Everything is filtered. The real world, the real universe, what really happens in really real reality falls away.
This is the ultimate lie because it is the ultimate thing people always want to believe: that they are, themselves, God. Or at least little "g" god of their own life.
How does this manifest itself? Lot's of ways: history and the past can be forgotten because it's not about you. So, it's not important. What happens elsewhere can be forgotten because it's not about you. So, it's not important. The real story of history, of mankind in general and his nature is irrelevant and ignored. It colors your approch to everything: God, religion, history, science, ethics, etc. But I want to talk about one aspect right now, and that is this last one.
This pernicious lie is very well expressed in Maslow's hierarchy of needs -- a good fleshing out of this lie with all sorts of scientific-sounding wrappings to make it seem less infantile than it really is. What did Maslow say is man's highest need? The thing we all work for? The thing we need most?
Self-actualization. Doing exactly what you want to do. Because it's all about you, babe.
Saying that self-actualization is what man needs most carries with it a ton of assumptions. The biggest one being the nature of what you are goin to actualize -- the nature of what you want. Maslow himself summed it up by saying (and this will probably be a paraphrase), "I do not believe that evil is inherent in any of man's instincts and desires. They are, at worst, neutral."
So, do what you want because it is what you most need, and it certainly isn't going to hurt anyone because everything you want is good! And "needs," that's a strong word. People getting what they "need," that's about survival. And denying people what they "need" to survive is wrong, and getting what you need is right.
And so it turns ethical behavior into doing whatever you wanted to do anyway. There is, therefore, no such thing as "ethics" really -- if ethics is seen as the ruleset that controls you behavior, that would restrict what you would want to do. Because all your instincts and inner desires are good, and what you need most is to act on them. To find yourself. To be yourself. To break "free" and get what you need.
What a pernicious lie. And the bloodbath that ensues, the weeping and the wailing, reaches to the highest heaven.
If your approach to finding happiness is in trying to get what you want then you will fail. You will fail and you will be miserable and you will be depressed.
Interesting thing. There's a book entitled Life at the Bottom: the Worldview that Makes the Underclass by Theodore Dalrymple. Mr. Dalrymple is not a Christian. He is a surgeon. He has worked for decades in emergency rooms across the UK. And he noticed something. Currently, the number one reason for women in the UK to go to an emergency room is suicide attempt. Not car accident. Not heart disease. Suicide attempt. Among males it is the number two reason. People are checking out of life in huge numbers because they just can't take it anymore.
Why?
Because they've bought a lie, and that is the point of his book. That if you have nothing higher than yourself and your own desires to live for then you will end up miserable to the extent that many will just kill themselves and end it all. Because they are told that, to be happy, they have to do exactly what they want. And so they do it. And they are even more miserable than they were before. And they can't find a way out.
As Dalrymple puts it: if you want to be happy you do not want to "find yourself" you want to lose yourself, and if you have nothing higher than yourself to live for you will never be happy. Because it's not all about you, babe. Not what you need, not what the world needs. And ethics goes beyond what you want.
The key to happiness in any aspect of your life -- as I've found through the journey documented in this blog -- is not about you and getting what you want and getting your needs met, it is about giving to others. Meeting other people's needs. That's not just a good way to live. That's not just nice, it's not just a way to make a relationship work, and it is not just a way to get your own needs met back in return. It is, in and of itself, the key to happiness.
If you're unhappy in your relationship, how much of it is because of this inherent selfishness of "but what about me and my needs?" How much of it is because you've bought the pernicious lie? We want to think that we aren't happy because, see, my needs have never really been met. Not really. Not in full. If we just get a little more. Just a little bit more. Then we'll be happy. And the farther we run down that road the farther we get from real, actual happiness.
Edit: So, I wrote that before class, and during class I meditated on it a bit more and more stuff decided to regurgitate itself from my brain. So here's the rest.
Dalrymple told a story in the interview I saw with him about his book and this subject and he gave an example of the typical results of this me-me-me, self-actualization culture. He says he had a man tell him, when talking about his wife, "Doctor, If I didn't kill her I'm not sure what I'd have done." That killing his wife was LESS SERIOUS than the possible consequences that would have come to him if he HADN'T expressed himself through murder. That, it's all about ME!
Compare and contrast that with the reaction to the post FTN put up awhile back titled "Suppress you Sexuality in Six Easy Steps!" Here, FTN was very wisely realizing that the fact that his libido is higher than his wives was causing issues, so he was going to try and dial it back a bit -- change what he wanted in order to do good. The reaction from those held captive by this pernicious lie was overwhelming. Fanatical. You can't do that! You'll never be happy! If you want to be happy you have to find a way to GET what you want, not give it up! How dare you even suggest such a thing is possible, much less desirable!
Why such a reaction?
And why did that guy have to kill his wife?
We have a two-fold problem. The first problem is that of evil. Often the secular-humanists among us will throw the problem of the existence of evil at Christians and say, "If you have an omnipotent and good and loving God then why is there evil in the world?" as if saying such a thing not only destroys all our arguments and all our convictions, but destroys the entire Christian faith altogether. But we KNOW where evil comes from -- it comes from us. Because we, as people, ARE evil. As Spurgeon said, "You cannot slander human nature; it is worse than words can tell."
But the existence of evil DOES present a problem to those help captive by the Pernicious Lie. Becaue if all of man's desires and instincts are good, why does he do so much evil? Why is there greed and exploitation and resentment and revenge and violence and murder and war and genocide?
There is no answer. If there is no God, no creator, and so man is supreme, and all of man's instincts and desires are good or at worst neutral then the existence of evil presents a problem.
So, we get into the blame game. It's all someone or something else's fault. Anything but me. Do not look at the man behind the curtain. Please don't make me look at myself. We'll blame other people -- but how did those other people become evil and the root of evil if they are human like you and are therefore good? Or, we'll blame culture. As Maslow put it, "Sick people are a product of a sick culture." But what is culture? Just a group of people and their common beliefs and values. Culture comes from people, so how can there be a sick culture to cause sick people if there were no sick people to create the culture?
In the end, what you see -- what we saw in the discussion on FTN's post -- is people blaming the end results of self-actualization on those who would oppose limitless self-actualization. The results of doing whatever you want is, well, all the evil that has ever existed in the world. All the pain and heartbreak and oppression. But whose fault is it? Not those who actually did it -- who actually did what they wanted and ended up destroying people -- but those who would oppose it. It is a rather infantile expression of blaming the biggest evil you know on the biggest enemy you have.
The biggest evil they know? The reality that demonstrates the true results of self-actualization, that truly show the inherent evil in man. The biggest enemy they have? Those who say that self-actualization is destructive, that would say man IS inherently evil.
And despite all the internal contradictions and inconsistencies associated with this, this is one of the lies that has captured our culture. You'll find it everywhere. Who has caused all wars and problems in the world? Institutions and groups that would teach against self-actualization, and in particular, the Christian church.
This is the very definition of insanity. To be this far out of touch with the real world makes one insane.
But if man is good and his instincts are good than nothing he can do is "sin," and if his greatest need is doing what he wants than standing in the way IS sin. So, the only sin is calling things people want to do "sin." And that "sin" -- the "oppression" that comes when someone says that what you want to do isn't right or moral -- is the cause of all the evil in the world.
The Big Lie.
So, if you want more sex and your wife won't give it to you the one and only solution is to find a new wife! Get what you want or you'll never be happy -- you'll never fulfill your deepest needs. And to even suggest that the better and more enlightened and more moral way of solving it -- the way that would cause the least pain and most joy -- is to suppress what you want? To change your desires? To lose yourself for the sake of another? Heresy. The greatest heresy imaginable, to them. Because it exposes the pernicious lie. The lie that is so obvious that nobody can really believe it unless they consciously accept what they know to be false.
"This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed. But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God." - John 3:19-21
posted by Christian Husband at 11:32 AM
6 Comments:
It's too late to read such a long thoughtful post. (Past my bedtime - Yawn!!)
This is a very insightful post, XH. (long, but very insightful)
It brings so many thoughts to my mind.
I recall a young woman, years ago, who came to one of the meetings of our community, and afterwards, talking to someone, said, "You mean, I don't have to just do whatever I want?" The notion was radical to her mind, and she found it liberating.
I think of what Pascal said, that the fundamental problem of modern man is that he doesn't know how to spend twenty minutes alone in his room.
I read a bit about Maslow several years ago, and his ideas on 'self-actualization' were actually quite different from what is commonly passed around under the header of his name these days. He thought of 'self-actualization' as a rarely-achieved state, 'bought with a price', so to speak, of long experience and perceptive learning, and it very much included a 'selfless' attitude toward other people. But nowadays, every college freshman, having taken Psych 101, thinks he understands what it is to be 'self-actualized', and it pretty much plays as you describe it here. Maslow himself, by the end of his life, was deeply saddened at what had been wrought in his name.
I do think that 'The Problem of Evil' is about the strongest argument that can be made against theism in general, and Christianity more specifically. Simply put, why should there be evil in the world? It would seem that the existence of evil implies either that God isn't powerful enough, or He isn't good enough, to rid the Universe of it. I don't say that there is no answer to the argument - Jesus Himself is the fundamental answer to it - but the force of the argument is real, and we do well to take it seriously.
You and I have gone around the block enough on the notion of 'total depravity', and I don't really want to load up your comment-space with another such exchange. I'll simply note, as has been my habit, that, 'depraved' as we are, we are, nonetheless, made 'in the image and likeness of God'.
Thanks again, bro - this was a good, very insightful post.
Wait, hold on, it's almost as thought you're trying to say there are people other than me. Wait, and I need to care about them? Cripes, who's idea was that?
Incredible amount of detail on that post, thanks.
Des: not only do I not find the problem of evil the strongest argument against Christianity, I don't find it an argument against it at all. Augustine answered that question very logically, very faithfully, and very conclusively 1600 years ago. Evil comes from us because we are corrupt and we became corrupt because in our free will we chose what is evil. Now, people don't like the answer because it means accepting the concept of Original Sin and a corrupt and sinful human nature, but that doesn't make it a problem. People always want to exchange God's Truth for a lie, especially when that Truth would necessarily motivate them to change.
I like and agree with much of what you state here. However, I do feel the need to point out that one of the problems of the modern church (and many Christians) is that we put people into two camps:
Non-Christians: Unhappy.
Christians: Happy.
That's not true, in fact it's deceitful. Jesus didn't say that by becoming Christians, things would be easy and we'd be happy. In fact, things quite often would be harder. Yes, we are called to have joy, and to live a life abundant. And we can have that, but you know what? I know a TON of Christian women that are on anti-depressants. I know a lot of people that struggle, and are in counseling. I know of many Christian marriages that are faltering.
And on the flip side of that, people *can* be happy and not be a Christian. Sure, you can try to argue with them if you want. "You won't be happy until you are serving others. You won't be happy living IN SIN." And they'll laugh and say, "Yes, actually I'm quite happy the way I am." And they may be truly happy.
Anyway, I know this isn't the main point of your post. And I agree and understand the vast majority of what you say. I just always feel the need to find something to debate, I guess. :-)
FTN: Well, that depends on how one defines "happines" now doesn't it? If you define it explicilty as getting to do what you want then you are correct.
But if you define it as satisfaction and success and joy with things that really matter, then I'm not sure I do agree. We might certainly have things in our lives that the outside world would see and say, "They can't really be happy," but that doesn't mean they are right. The Apostles were beaten and REJOICED at being counted worthy to suffer for the name of Christ. Happy at being beaten and abused?
Well, yes, if you understand that happiness isn't about getting to do and have what you want and avoid what you don't.
So while we aren't promised steady high-paying jobs and perfect health and a magic umbrella that blocks bullets we are promised those things that really and truly can make you happy. So that even if we suffer we are joyful because we have perspective and because we've been freed from the lie and captured by Christ and the Truth.
Second, Christians who DON'T have joy and DO have worry and anxiety to the point of having severe issues absolutely have a faith problem. That is the point of Matthew 6: "Why do you worry, oh ye of little faith." That if you really believe that God and His promises are really real in reality then you WON'T worry. That worry and anxiety are always signs of a lack of faith.
Third, we might find lots of people who live very immoral lives who would claim to be happy. Do you believe them? Most times when people buy into the lie that this and only this is the way to true happiness they will cling to that belief (to keep from having to acknowledge the Truth) even in the face of SEVER unhappiness. They say they are happy because they tell themselves they MUST be happy because they are doing what they BELIEVE is the only way to happiness. If they aren't happy getting to do whatever they want, and they believe this is the ONLY way to be happy, then admiting that would be falling into despair. Because if that doesn't make you happy then nothing will so you'll never be happy and it's time to either lose yourself in chemical emotional anestetic or to just end it.
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